Since my diagnosis I have justified being alone, isolating myself
from the world of dating. I was sure that no normal person would ever want to be with me in an intimate way. I was sure I was "damaged goods".
As time passed, I realized that my lonely existence was not what I
really wanted. I crave love and acceptance...but how could
I ever tell a man about my disease and be accepted by him?
The answer is by being myself, being human, not perfect, but human after all.
Please look deeply into your soul and see YOU, the beautiful and lovable person that you are, NOT the disease that you carry. Then put
yourself out there with the confidence of knowing that you ARE worthy.
Once you have "the talk", be prepared to deal with any reaction the other person may have. Know that by being honest, the truth will set you free. You will be free to know that if that other person accepts you, you are free to open your heart to exploring a new, exciting and potentially beautiful relationship. If you are rejected, you have been
set free from getting involved with someone who is really not worthy of
you. Before being diagnosed, you knew that as a relationship evolved over time, you would come to find out about the integrity and value system of your partner. If they did not share your values and entered
into the relationship for the wrong reasons, then you will have wasted
a lot of time and energy on someone who was never worthy of you.
I believe that you have to look at your disease as the key that will unlock
your insight into instantly seeing just what kind of person you're dealing with.
Therefore the truth has set you free, free to move on and explore love with this
person, or free to move on alone in your journey to find the "right one" for you.
For most of us, getting an incurablestd (herpes) is the end of our dating and sex life. But it's not true at all. Herpes is very common that about 12% people (14-49) have herpes in the US. Although people with herpes can date or have sex as before, morally, we have an obligation to be aware of not spreading the disease further, and we should protect our partners. So all of so the questions like having "the Talk"; Breaking the news; Disclosing you have herpes are creating a lot of anxiety and stress in the herpes dating field for herpes singles.
#1. Do I Need To Tell My Partner That I Have Herpes?
Certainly Yes. If that person is just your family, friends, or your colleagues, you can hide the news from them. But if you want to have a relationship or sex with this person, you need to tell him/her. They have the right to know the truth andthe potential risks posed to them and can take proper precautions.
#2. When to Tell My Partner That I Have Herpes?
Whether you just found out you have HSV or you've had it for years, "The talk" when confronting a new partner is still a scary situation. The fear and pain of rejection is always with us. Take your time and get to know each other, if it feels like things are working out. Then bring it up. The recommendation is the fourth or fifth date. Be honest with them early on before the feelings start to get strong between you two. Disclosing you have an STD is difficult enough. Only do it once you know the relationship is worth pursuing. But the most important principle is to have the talk before having sex. Let your partner have the chance to choose whether to accept your situation.
#3. How to Have "the TALk"?
There are many ways and places for you to choose to have "the talk":
1. Write a handwriting letter and hand it at the end of a date.
The content should explain how you get herpes and your story, describe the condition with main points and issues. Be specific. Give the opportunity for them to make their own choice.
Also include the detail of your present feelings for them and how you want to pursue a relationship. Ask them be respectful and keep your condition private. Give them time to process information and don't push for a response.
2. Face to Face
If you choose to break the news face to face, you should prepare yourself.
Make it in a place of neutrality, and before a hot and heavy moment arrives. Perhaps cooking together, hiking, coffee dates,or a quiet moment. Be sure you are both comfortable and there is an opportunity for the other to process thoughts. No loud restaurants or public places as this will be distracting. Let the other person respond back after the discussion. An appropriate response may be " will condoms be useful for us? The answer is yes. You now know your potential mate is interested in you for who you are, the rest is up to you. The door of opportunity and understanding is open.
3. Casual chatting and emails.
Once you have accepted your situation then you can date. The most successful tip recommended by a herpes single was creating a questionnaire sort of and he used it on the third or fourth date. Masked in the questionnaire would be a question dealing with the std. If they would handle the news ok people with herpes would bring up his condition.
The other easiest way to tell someone who doesn't have herpes is that you have it, verbatim....
"Hey, have you ever gotten a cold sore? Have you ever known anyone that has gotten a cold sore?
Are you afraid to kiss someone when they are not having a cold sore? Of course not. Well I have HSV2. There is HSV1, the kind you get occasionally on your mouth and HSV2, also called herpes simplex virus. It's not damaging to my health or anything, it just exists in my body and is like a cold sore on a person's lip... there are occasional times when I just won't be able to have sex for like, a week.
1 of 3 people have HSV1 1 of 10 people have HSV2
2/3 of people who have each, don't even know they have it.
It's not a big deal to me, but I thought you should know that I tested positive for it before we do anything.
You wouldn't be afraid to kiss someone who you knew gets cold sores occasionally right? Well, it's the same thing. It's not a big deal to me, but if it is to you, I want to be honest and let you know."
Email is also a good way to avoid direct rejection. Be honest and explain the condition.
Also you can choose to avoid the talk by dating with Herpes singles like you. They understand your situation and know better about the virus. You don't have to educate them and dating and sex life become much easier. This is a common choice for many people with herpes, we would like to recommend top 3 Herpes Dating Sites for you:
Final conclusion about how to have "the talk": You will hear several different theories about telling your partner you have herpes and how to approach it. It really depends on several things including but not limited to the environment ( rural, urban, social stature ), self-confidence, and your support network.So in conclusion no one piece of advice is best, evaluate yourself and your situation and talk to people. Good Luck With You!
